problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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