The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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