please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
