guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
