so that wasnt chicken after all
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
