Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
