i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
