I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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