did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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