dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
