please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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