i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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