U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
