So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I checked into jail on foursquare
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
