when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
