I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
