The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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