I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
