It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
