The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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