Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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