big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
