i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
