i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
