The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
