my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
