The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Enjoy the penises
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
