I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
