i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it's like iHOP with fire
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
