I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
