I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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