so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
