The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
