I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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