My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
