So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
