can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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