he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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