I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
