So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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