$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You made out with two different species that night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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