so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
