its not stalking. its research.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
