the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
