never play flip cup with pint glasses
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
