Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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