Yo dont text me then not text me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
