Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
