Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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