I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize