And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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