My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
