My hair reeks of homosexuality.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
