If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
