i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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