dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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