life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
