69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
