my vag is so smooth its legendary
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
