I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
