If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
NoShamevember. You game?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
