woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
