Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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