So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
