Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
