last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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