He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize