Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize